Monday, March 23, 2015

This Elegant Universe: My Journey of Silver Linings

*Authors note: A friend of mine convinced me to publish this backstory to my upcoming book. People deserve to know how and where this book came from and how much it means to me. Please excuse this post as it is unedited. I can't bear to read through it again,*

Time is just a number. Time doesn't heal wounds, and it doesn't make them any easier. As I set out on my journey to finish the first book I ever wrote, I found that this is one of the hardest journey I will ever have to make in life. So I decided to blog this. In ten years, five years, this book will still be around, but I want to remember how it came to be and the struggle I had to go through to finish it. 

2007 was the worst year of my life. I was 21 and newly married with a toddler.  I was a new adult being thrust into the perils of adulthood. Looking back, the expectations put on me were too high, the amount of support I received was too low, but I only perceived it as hopelessness.

The day I found out I was pregnant with my second child was one of the most exciting days of my life, even to this day. I loved my first son so much and was convinced that this time would be better. I was married now. I had baby things already, and I had a stable place to stay.
What should have been the best months of my life are now a big blur. My mental clarity was so corrupted that I can't even pinpoint what was going through my head.
My marriage was new (which is another word for HARD), and instead of focusing on the baby growing inside of me, I was worried about my husband. Why was he lying to me? Why is this happening to me? Life isn't fair. It was a constant fight and one day I gave up. I spoke the dreaded words to my husband.
"I wish I wasn't pregnant with your child."
"Your gonna regret saying that," he told me. "If something happens. Your gonna wish you never said that."
And then it happened. 
We went into the doctor during my five month check up to find out the sex  of my baby. I only vaguely remember the excitement. "I want a girl. I want a girl." I'm pretty positive that was the only thing going through my mind. 
The nurse couldn't find the heartbeat, so the doctor told us to go ahead and go back for the ultrasound.
The technician hurried from the room, and when the doctor came back in, it was like I already knew. Like I'd always known. Something had been wrong from the beginning, but I was too preoccupied with my husband to notice...or even care.
The only thing that went through my mind were the horrible things I had yelled at my husband only month before.
"I wish I wasn't pregnant with your child."

We went home, and I begged my husband to tell everyone. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to hear their apologies or their sympathy stories. I didn't want to hear about any of it. I was convinced I had wished my baby away. There was no one to blame but myself.
I would like to say that my husband supported and helped me, but he only did the best he could. I fell into the deepest depression I'd ever felt. 
Days passed.
I'd start the shower and sit on the tub and cry. I'd wait until my husband fell asleep and cry. My husband would go to work and I'd lay down and cry. I'd become the world's most perfect silent crier. I'd convinced myself that I would make the world's best actress because I was able to cry at the drop of a hat.
To top it all off, my parents were getting a divorce, and me and my husband were caught up in the middle of it, which made all my intensified feelings worse.
One day, my father came to my house and told me that his divorce was my fault, and without a word, I turned around and begun scrubbing out my refrigerator. I spent every spare moment I had cleaning my house for two months straight. I was afraid to stop because if I stopped, I might lay down and stop breathing and that might make the pain stop- and that was the last thing I wanted. So I mustered up the energy to move. I was in a constant rhythm of  clean, clean ,clean. Anything to stay strong and keep moving.

Then the day came when I had nothing left to clean. My husband worked long days and when he came home he'd sit in front of his computer for hours playing World of Warcraft. I had nothing to do to keep myself busy. I couldn't go anywhere because I had a sleeping baby, and what little friends I had left visited once a week or so.
And so I began to write a book. The most personal book I've ever written. 
It was about a girl and her dying mom and her quest to cure her mom from this unknown disease so that she could always be with her mom because she had no one left in the world .No friends. No other family. No husband or kids. It was a book about faeries and magic. About sacrifice and courage.
It was called The Silver Lining.
Because I wanted to believe there was good on the other side of this bad.

It was 2008 by this time. I soon became pregnant again, which only made my deep spiral worse. My only outlet was the time I spent in this magical land with a character named Kali and her never ending goodness through everything bad that was happening to her. She was kind, thoughtful, and courageous. She was everything I wanted to be and so much more. My dream had always been to write, and I was certain that I could finish this book and publish it.
2008 proved to be an even worse year for me, my marriage became even more unstable as I suspected and then later learned that my husband fathered another child with my nemesis.
I became the worst sort of person. Spiteful, full of hate, and self-pity. No one else understood what I was going through and I was certain they were sick of hearing me complain about it.
This time, I had a newborn and a two year old to take care of so I put my 60k word book away and dealt with life as it came. I put all my energy into saving my marriage and not losing myself to the void. My dream became but a speck of dust in my timeline.

So I bet you are wondering why I am boring you with my story about the worst year of my life. Because this manuscript has been tucked away on a shelf, and I've been too scare to share it, and uncertain of what to do with it. The girl that wrote Silver Linings is dead, and she will never come back. It's not even a finished manuscript, why would I ever publish something so child-like and horrible? 
And then it came to me. Like a whisper in my ear, the story unraveled itself in a new light. So I pulled it back out and began rewriting. I took out the fairies and weaved into it an elaborate  science fiction story about not being alone in the world, and I renamed it This Elegant Universe.
But a book so close to my heart just can't be written and slapped out there among all the other self-published titles. No, this book deserved more.
This book deserved better.
 So for the first time, I began looking for an outside cover designer one worthy enough to make it look elegant.
 This book deserved not only an editor, but a proofreader. So I found one of those too because this book deserves to sound elegant.
And I sat down and wrote because this book deserves an elegant ending.

Read more about my work HERE
Briana Gaitan is the bestselling author of the Hollywood Timelines series (The Last Thing and The One Thing) and coauthor of the Ethereal Underground series. 
Briana is a southern native and self proclaimed geek. She has never wanted anything but to create whether it be composing music, decorating her house, or giving voices to the characters inside her head.Her days are spent obsessing over a good read, raising her three kids, and watching anything on the SyFy channel. Through her writing, she hopes to inspire others to believe in the impossible.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Win an Audiobook copy of The Last Thing

Enter HERE at my Facebook page(pinned post, follow the directions)
GIVEAWAY: Audiobook copy of The Last Thing
Plagued by past mistakes in both love and life, Quinn Bardot is in a bad place. With nowhere else to turn, she escapes to LA clinging to the promise of a fresh start.
Chase Crowley is known for being selfish and unbelievably persistent. All he's ever wanted is to become a successful actor. But now that he is about to have it all, he finds that something is still missing. Money and fame isn't what he expected.
After a fervent encounter, the two of them are thrown into a situation that neither is prepared for. Can Quinn extinguish her fears and let Chase in? Can Chase learn to put someone else's needs before his own?
An Amazon bestseller in romance, The Last Thing is a novel all about love, Hollywood, and accepting what life throws at you even if it is the last thing you want.
You can also pick up the Hollywood Timelines ebooks at Amazon here:
The Last Thing :
The One Thing :
To enter, get an entry each time to share, like, or tag a friend.
This giveaway will close on 3/27 and one winner will get an code to buy the book.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Welcome to my author website

I am redoing my website. I will have everything up soon, but feel free to check out my bio and buy links :)